When the manager of a men’s clothing store returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk’s hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him. “Guess what, sir?” the clerk said. “I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we’ve had for so long!”
“Do you mean that repulsive, pink-and-blue, double-breasted thing?!” the manager asked.
“That’s the one!”
“That’s great!” the manager cried, “I thought we’d never get rid of that monstrosity!
That had to be the ugliest suit we’ve ever had! But tell me, why is your hand bandaged?”
“Oh,” the clerk replied, “after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye dog bit me.”
Some time ago, a man had two sons.
As they got older, everyone quickly realized that Jackson was very sharp, while Blake was about as sharp as a spoon. They were both loved very much and cared for.
As time went by, the father got sick and eventually passed away.
Jackson called his brother on the phone and told him: “Listen, I have an enormously important business meeting I must attend, but I will get on the first flight home. Here are my credit card details, please make sure dad looks his best and gets everything money can buy for his funeral, spare no expense!”
He wasn’t sure this was a great idea, given that Blake was… well, Blake, but he had no one else to call. Surprisingly, Blake took care of everything, and did it with a rather decent budget.
Jackson was pleasantly surprised and the funeral went well, if a sad and emotional affair for all.
A few months later Jackson calls Blake again. “Listen,” he says.
“I don’t want to make accusations or nothin’, but could it be that you are still using my card for about $300 dollars every month? I can see it here on my credit report.”
“Of course not!” said Blake, insulted.
“I would never steal from you, you know that!”
“Yea, I do.” Said Jackson, “But how do you explain these?”
“Oh,” said Blake, “I bet those are for dad’s tux.
You said you wanted him to look his best so I rented the most expensive suit in town!”
There are two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.”
The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.”
The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, “Just follow my lead.”
They walk over to the restaurant, and the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
The bouncer at the door says, “Sorry, mac, no pets allowed!”
The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, “You don’t understand.
This is my seeing-eye-dog.”
The bouncer says, “A Doberman Pinscher?”
He answers, “Yes, they’re using them now; they’re very good and protect me from robbers, too.”
The man at the door says, “Come on in.”
The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, “What the heck!” He puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. Once again the bouncer says, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed!”
The guy with the Chihuahua says, “You don’t understand.
This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer at the door says, “A Chihuahua?”
The man with the Chihuahua says, “A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?”
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A police car pulled up in front of Grandma Bessie’s house
A police car pulled up in front of Grandma Bessie’s house, and out stepped Grandpa Morris.
The officer politely explained, “Ma’am, your husband said he got lost in the park and couldn’t find his way home.”
Grandma Bessie stared at Morris and said, “Lost?
You’ve been going to that park for 30 years! How’d you get lost today?”
Leaning in close so the officer couldn’t hear, Grandpa whispered, “I wasn’t lost. I was just too tired to walk home.”
A policeman pulls over an old man driving a pickup truck
A policeman pulls over an old man driving a pickup truck with the bed overflowing with ducks.
The officer says sternly, “Sir, you can’t have a flock of ducks wandering around downtown.
Take them to the zoo immediately!”
The old man nods, agrees, and drives off. The next day, the officer spots the same pickup truck, still full of ducks—but this time, all the ducks are wearing sunglasses.
Frustrated, the officer pulls the man over again and exclaims, “I thought I told you to take these ducks to the zoo!”
The old man grins and replies, “I did! But now the little rascals want to go to the beach!”
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A cowboy, fresh from Texas, strolls into a bar in Montana and orders three mugs of Bud.
A cowboy, fresh from Texas, strolls into a bar in Montana and orders three mugs of Bud.
He heads to a corner and takes a sip from each mug, one after the other, in turn. Once he’s done, he returns to the bar and orders three more. Curious, the bartender approaches him and says, “You know, beer goes flat pretty quick after it’s poured.
It might taste better if you just ordered one at a time.”
The cowboy smiles and explains, “Well, here’s the thing.
I’ve got two brothers—one in Arizona, the other in Colorado. When we all moved away from Texas, we promised that whenever we drank, we’d each have one for the others, just like we did back home.
So, I’m drinking for my brothers and myself.”
The bartender nods, impressed by the sentiment, and leaves it at that. The cowboy becomes a regular, always ordering three beers and sipping them in rotation.
One day, though, he walks in and only orders two mugs.
The regulars, noticing the change, go quiet. When the cowboy returns to the bar for his second round, the bartender cautiously leans in and says, “I’m sorry for your loss. I just wanted to offer my condolences.”
The cowboy looks confused for a second, then bursts out laughing.
“Oh no, no one’s passed away!” he chuckles.
“It’s just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church, so I had to quit drinking. But my brothers are still going strong!”
LOL!!
Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!
An Old Cowboy Gets 3 Wishes
A modern-day old cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without water.
He’s crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last, when he suddenly sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls towards the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks like an old briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie.
But this is no ordinary genie.
She wears an AUSTRALIAN TAXATION OFFICE badge and a dull grey dress. There is a calculator in her pocketbook.
She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. “Well, old cowboy,” said the genie… “You know how I work.
You have three wishes.”
“I’m not falling for this, says the old man.
“I’m not going to trust an ATO auditor genie.”
“What do you have to lose? You have no transportation, and it looks like you are a goner anyway!”
The old man thinks about this for a minute and decides the genie is right. Shazam!
“OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with lots of food and drink.”
Shazam!
The old cowboy is in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, surrounded by jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. OK, old boy, what’s your second wish?”
“My second wish is for me to be rich beyond my wildest dreams.”
Shazam!
The old man is surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems. “Okay, cowpuncher, you just have one wish.
Better make it a good one!”
After a few minutes of thinking, the man says.
“I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.”
Shazam! He is turned into a t-a.mpon. Moral of the story
If the government offers you anything, there’s going to be a string attached.
+——————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
How much money did I have?
Puzzles can come in many “flavors.” Today, there are millions to pick from online. It can be math problems from school, crossword puzzles, optical illusions – and even a classic old riddle.
Riddles are very popular here, so here comes one. Here comes the old riddle.
How Much Money Did I Have?
The riddle says:
I had 13 dollars. My mom gave me 10 dollars while my dad gave me 30 dollars. My aunt and uncle gave me 100 dollars.
I had another 5 dollars.
How much money did I have? We’ll report the correct answer below.
A
B
C
Here is the correct answer
Have you come up with an answer? Take a deep breath and concentrate, the answer might be easier than you think.
Maybe there is something you are missing in this old riddle?
After the picture below, you can see if you got the right solution. The answer is 18 Dollars. You can get a hint in the question that it basically asks how much money “DID” I have?
This means it is asking about how much YOU had.
Not how much you received from anyone. So, the money you had is 18 dollars.
(Since this answers to the question, stating the amount of money you had apart from the money received by you by your parents and relatives.)
Therefore, you had 13 dollars and another 5 dollars originally with you, which sums up to 18 dollars. Clever, right?
You have to think outside the box to come up with the answer.
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An elderly couple, Bert and Edna, are sitting on the porch swing
An elderly couple, Bert and Edna, are sitting on the porch swing one quiet Sunday evening. They’ve been married for 55 years. The sun is setting, the birds are chirping, and they’re both sipping lukewarm tea, watching squirrels fight over a Cheeto in the yard.
Out of the blue, Edna sighs and says, “Bert, let’s talk about our bucket lists.”
Bert raises an eyebrow.
“Bucket lists? Edna, I’m 87.
My list is down to ‘wake up tomorrow and remember where I put my pants.’”
Edna chuckles. “No, I’m serious.
Before we go, we should each do something we’ve always wanted to do but never had the chance.”
Bert thinks for a moment.
“Alright, fine. I’ve always wanted to go skydiving.”
Edna’s eyes widen. “Skydiving?!
Bert, the last time you bent down to tie your shoe, you passed out for three minutes.”
Bert shrugs.
“Well, if I die mid-air, just let me land in the neighbor’s garden. I’ve always wanted to haunt him.”
They laugh, and Edna nods.
“Okay, okay. You go skydiving.
I’ll do mine too.”
Bert squints.
“And what’s yours?”
Edna suddenly gets this mischievous sparkle in her eye — the same one she had back in 1965 when she “accidentally” dropped Bert’s bowling trophy out the car window during an argument. “I’ve always wanted to confess something to you, Bert.”
Bert gulps. “Confess what?”
Edna leans closer and whispers, “You know how your favorite recliner always mysteriously leaned to the left for 20 years?”
Bert nods.
“Yeah, blamed the dog.
Poor thing limped for weeks.”
Edna smiles. “Well, it was me.
I jammed a spatula in the bottom after you spilled grape soda on my new curtains in ’89.”
Bert gasps. “You monster!”
Edna giggles.
“And remember that time the remote kept changing the channel to the Hallmark channel, no matter what button you pressed?”
Bert blinks.
“You said it was haunted!”
Edna smirks. “Nope. I glued a penny inside the battery compartment to short-circuit it.
You never missed a single Christmas romance movie for five straight years.”
Bert’s mouth drops open.
“Why would you do that?!”
Edna sips her tea, serene. “Because payback, dear, is best served with mistletoe and slow-motion snowball fights.”
After a long pause, Bert leans back in the swing and says, “You know what, Edna?
I’ve got a confession too.”
“Oh?” she says. “You remember my ‘fishing trips’ every Saturday for ten years?”
Edna eyes him.
“You don’t fish.”
“I know,” Bert says proudly.
“I was at the bowling alley. I won four trophies. They’re hidden behind the water heater in the basement.”
Edna stares at him in disbelief.
“You mean I accidentally dropped a decoy trophy out the car window?!”
They both burst into laug
What happened next changed everything…
TAP → NEXT PAGE → 👇
