The teacher said, “I’ll give 2 dollars to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived.”
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, “It was St. Patrick.” The teacher said, “Sorry Sean, that’s not correct.”
Then a French boy put his hand up and said, “It was Napoleon.” The teacher replied, “I’m sorry, Pierre, that’s not right either.”
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, “It was Jesus Christ.” The teacher said, “That’s absolutely right, Maurice, come up here and I’ll give you 2 dollars.”
As the teacher was giving Maurice his money, she said, “You know Maurice, you being Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ.”
Maurice replied, “Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business.”
The woman was very rich and the man was poor but honest.
She liked him, but that was all, and he knew it.
One night he had been a little more tender than usual. “You are very rich,” he ventured.
“Yes,” she replied frankly, I’m worth 1.25 million dollars.”
“And I’m poor,” he replied. “Will you marry me?”
“No.”
“I thought you would say no.”
“Then why did you ask me?”
“Oh, just to see how a man feels when he loses 1.25 million dollars.”
Stanley is looking for a new desk for his office
and he spots one that looks perfect in an antique shop window.
He goes inside and asks the shopkeeper how much it is.
“That desk is going for $5000,” says the shopkeeper. “$5000 for an old desk? That’s outrageous!” exclaims Stanley.
“Ah,” says the shopkeeper, “but this is a magic desk.” He turns to the desk and asks, “Desk, how much money do I have in my pocket?”
The desk taps one of its legs on the floor four times.
The shopkeeper turns out his pocket and, sure enough, there are four dollar coins there. “Wow, that’s pretty cool,” says Stan.
“Alright, desk, how much money does my wife have in her bank account?”
At this, the desk goes wild, manically banging all four of its legs up and down repeatedly for over five minutes non-stop. “Darn, where did she get all THAT from?” wonders Stanley.
The desk’s legs slide apart and its drawers drop down.
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A Texan Farmer Goes To Australia
A Texan farmer is on vacation in Australia. There, he meets an Australian farmer and strikes up a conversation. The Australian shows off his large wheat field, and the Texan says:
“Oh!
We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”
Then they walk around the ranch for a bit, and the Australian shows off his herd of cattle.
The Texan farmer immediately said:
“We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”
The conversation is now almost at a standstill when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asked, “And what are those”?
The Australian responds with an incredulous look,
“Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”
Hope this joke makes you smile! Have a nice day!!!
A government man approaches a pig farmer one day.
A government man approaches a pig farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs. The farmer answers: “Oh, the pigs? I just feed them whatever scraps I have lying around.”
The man is shocked, he says, “Sir, this is animal cruelty!
I’ll have to fine you $10,000!”
The next day, another official approaches the farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs.
The farmer replies: “Oh the pigs? Only the best products, sir!
Caviar, artisanal cheeses, and hand-picked salads!”
The man is shocked, he says, “Sir, the food is way too rich for them, they’ll get sick! I’ll have to fine you $10,000!”
On the third day, another man approaches the farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs.
The farmer answers: “Oh the pigs?
I’ll give them 20 bucks each and let them shop themselves.”
LOL!! Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!
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A Man and Smart Witty Beggar
A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him $2, and that continues for a year.
Then, suddenly, the daily donation changes to $1.50. “Well,” he thinks, “it’s always better than nothing.”
A year passes in this way until the man’s daily donation suddenly becomes $1.00.
“What’s going on now?” The beggar asks his donor. “First you give me $2 every day, then $1.50, and now only $1, what’s the problem?”
“Well,” the man says, “my eldest son went to college last year.
It’s very expensive, so I had to cut the costs.
This year, my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further.”
“And how many children do you have?” Asks the beggar. “Four,” the man replies. “Well,” says the beggar, “I hope you don’t plan to educate them all at my expense.”
Two Beggars in London
Two beggars in London.
Ali and Habib are beggars.
They beg in different areas of London. Habib begs just as long as Ali does but only gets £2 to £3 every day.
Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house, and has a lot of money to spend. Habib asks Ali, “I work as long and hard as you do, but how is it that you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?’
Ali says, “Look at your sign, what does it say?”
Habib’s sign reads, “I have no job, a wife, and 6 kids to support.
Ali says No wonder you only get £2- £3
Habib says, “So what does your sign say?’
Ali shows his sign to Habib.
It reads,
“I only need another £10 to move back to my country.’
LOL! Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!
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A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, “Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home
I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies.”
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out the
What happened next changed everything…
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