A guy is sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Soon, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink.
I just can’t stand seeing a man crying.”
“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life.
First, I fall asleep, and I’m late to the office.
My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen.”
“The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there.
The cab driver just drives away.
I go home and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar.”
“And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you showed up and drank my poison.”
Bob went over to his friend Joe’s house and was amazed at how well Joe treated his wife.
He often told her how attractive she was, complimented her on her cooking, and showered her with hugs and kisses. “Gee,” Bob remarked later, “you make a big fuss over your wife”.
“I started to appreciate her more about six months ago,” Joe said.
“It has revived our marriage and we couldn’t be happier.”
Inspired, Bob hurried home, hugged his wife and told her how much he loved her, and said he wanted to hear all about her day. But she burst into tears. “Honey,” Bob said, “what’s the matter?”.
“This has been the worst day,” she replied.
“This morning Billy fell off his bike and broke his ankle, then the washing machine broke. Now to top it off, you come home drunk!“.
Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, “What a beautiful night, look at the moon.”
The other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend.
“You’re wrong, that’s not the moon, that’s the sun.”
They began to argue when they came upon another drunk.
They asked, “Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that’s shining. Is it the moon or the sun?”
The third drunk looked at the sky and said, “Sorry, I don’t live around here.”
Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”
Bob said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”
The blonde replied, “Well, I bet $20 he won’t.”
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on!”
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob.
“Fair’s fair.
Here’s your money.”
Bob replied, “I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, So I knew he would jump.”
The blonde replied, “I did, too, But I didn’t think he’d do it again.”
Bob took the money. ——————————————————————————————————————-
A police car pulled up in front of Grandma Bessie’s house
A police car pulled up in front of Grandma Bessie’s house, and out stepped Grandpa Morris.
The officer politely explained, “Ma’am, your husband said he got lost in the park and couldn’t find his way home.”
Grandma Bessie stared at Morris and said, “Lost?
You’ve been going to that park for 30 years! How’d you get lost today?”
Leaning in close so the officer couldn’t hear, Grandpa whispered, “I wasn’t lost.
I was just too tired to walk home.”
A policeman pulls over an old man driving a pickup truck
A policeman pulls over an old man driving a pickup truck with the bed overflowing with ducks. The officer says sternly, “Sir, you can’t have a flock of ducks wandering around downtown.
Take them to the zoo immediately!”
The old man nods, agrees, and drives off.
The next day, the officer spots the same pickup truck, still full of ducks—but this time, all the ducks are wearing sunglasses. Frustrated, the officer pulls the man over again and exclaims, “I thought I told you to take these ducks to the zoo!”
The old man grins and replies, “I did! But now the little rascals want to go to the beach!”
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A cowboy, fresh from Texas, strolls into a bar in Montana and orders three mugs of Bud.
A cowboy, fresh from Texas, strolls into a bar in Montana and orders three mugs of Bud.
He heads to a corner and takes a sip from each mug, one after the other, in turn. Once he’s done, he returns to the bar and orders three more.
Curious, the bartender approaches him and says, “You know, beer goes flat pretty quick after it’s poured. It might taste better if you just ordered one at a time.”
The cowboy smiles and explains, “Well, here’s the thing.
I’ve got two brothers—one in Arizona, the other in Colorado.
When we all moved away from Texas, we promised that whenever we drank, we’d each have one for the others, just like we did back home. So, I’m drinking for my brothers and myself.”
The bartender nods, impressed by the sentiment, and leaves it at that. The cowboy becomes a regular, always ordering three beers and sipping them in rotation.
One day, though, he walks in and only orders two mugs.
The regulars, noticing the change, go quiet. When the cowboy returns to the bar for his second round, the bartender cautiously leans in and says, “I’m sorry for your loss.
I just wanted to offer my condolences.”
The cowboy looks confused for a second, then bursts out laughing. “Oh no, no one’s passed away!” he chuckles.
“It’s just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church, so I had to quit drinking.
But my brothers are still going strong!”
LOL!! Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!
An Old Cowboy Gets 3 Wishes
A modern-day old cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without water.
He’s crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last, when he suddenly sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls towards the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks like an old briefcase.
He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.
She wears an AUSTRALIAN TAXATION OFFICE badge and a dull grey dress.
There is a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. “Well, old cowboy,” said the genie… “You know how I work.
You have three wishes.”
“I’m not falling for this, says the old man.
“I’m not going to trust an ATO auditor genie.”
“What do you have to lose? You have no transportation, and it looks like you are a goner anyway!”
The old man thinks about this for a minute and decides the genie is right.
Shazam! “OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with lots of food and drink.”
Shazam!
The old cowboy is in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, surrounded by jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
OK, old boy, what’s your second wish?”
“My second wish is for me to be rich beyond my wildest dreams.”
Shazam! The old man is surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems. “Okay, cowpuncher, you just have one wish.
Better make it a good one!”
After a few minutes of thinking, the man says.
“I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.”
Shazam! He is turned into a t-a.mpon.
Moral of the story
If the government offers you anything, there’s going to be a string attached. +——————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
How much money did I have?
Puzzles can come in many “flavors.” Today, there are millions to pick from online.
It can be math problems from school, crossword puzzles, optical illusions – and even a classic old riddle. Riddles are very popular here, so here comes one. Here comes the old riddle.
How Much Money Did I Have?
The riddle says:
I had 13 dollars. My mom gave me 10 dollars while my dad gave me 30 dollars.
My aunt and uncle gave me 100 dollars. I had another 5 dollars.
How much money did I have?
We’ll report the correct answer below. A
B
C
Here is the correct answer
Have you come up with an answer? Take a deep breath and concentrate, the answer might be easier than you think.
Maybe there is something you are missing in this old riddle?
After the picture below, you can see if you got the right solution. The answer is 18 Dollars.
You can get a hint in the question that it basically asks how much money “DID” I have? This means it is asking about how much YOU had.
Not how much you received from anyone.
So, the money you had is 18 dollars. (Since this answers to the question, stating the amount of money you had apart from the money received by you by your parents and relatives.)
Therefore, you had 13 dollars and another 5 dollars originally with you, which sums up to 18 dollars. Clever, right?
You have to think outside the box to come up with the answer.
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An elderly couple, Bert and Edna, are sitting on the porch swing
An elderly couple, Bert and Edna, are sitting on the porch swing one quiet Sunday evening. They’ve been married for 55 years.
The sun is setting, the birds are chirping, and they’re both sipping lukewarm tea, watching squirrels fight over a Cheeto in the yard. Out of the blue, Edna sighs and says, “Bert, let’s talk about our bucket lists.”
Bert raises an eyebrow.
“Bucket lists?
Edna, I’m 87. My list is down to ‘wake up tomorrow and remember where I put my pants.’”
Edna chuckles. “No, I’m serious.
Before we go, we should each do something we’ve always wanted to do but never had the chance.”
Bert thinks for a moment.
“Alright, fine. I’ve always wanted to go skydiving.”
Edna’s eyes widen.
“Skydiving?! Bert, the last time you bent down to tie your shoe, you passed out for three minutes.”
Bert shrugs.
“Well, if I die mid-air, just let me land in the neighbor’s garden.
I’ve always wanted to haunt him.”
They laugh, and Edna nods. “Okay, okay. You go skydiving.
I’ll do mine too.”
Bert squints.
“And what’s yours?”
Edna suddenly gets this mischievous sparkle in her eye — the same one she had back in 1965 when she “accidentally” dropped Bert’s bowling trophy out the car window during an argument. “I’ve always wanted to confess something to you, Bert.”
Bert gulps.
“Confess what?”
Edna leans closer and whispers, “You know how your favorite recliner always mysteriously leaned to the left for 20 years?”
Bert nods. “Yeah, blamed the dog.
Poor thing limped for weeks.”
Edna smiles.
“Well, it was me. I jammed a spatula in the bottom after you spilled grape soda on my new curtains in ’89.”
Bert gasps. “You monster!”
Edna giggles.
“And remember that time the remote kept changing the channel to the Hallmark channel, no matter what button you pressed?”
Bert blinks.
“You said it was haunted!”
Edna smirks. “Nope.
I glued a penny inside the battery compartment to short-circuit it. You never missed a single Christmas romance movie for five straight years.”
Bert’s mouth drops open.
“Why would you do that?!”
Edna sips her tea, serene.
“Because payback, dear, is best served with mistletoe and slow-motion snowball fights.”
After a long pause, Bert leans back in the swing and says, “You know what, Edna? I’ve got a confession too.”
“Oh?” she says. “You remember my ‘fishing trips’ every Saturday for ten years?”
Edna eyes him.
“You don’t fish.”
“I know,” Bert says proudly.
“I was at the bowling alley. I won four trophies.
They’re hidden behind the water heater in the basement.”
Edna stares at him in disbelief. “You mean I accidentally dropped a decoy trophy out the car window?!”
They both burst into laughter.
And from that day forward, Bert went skydiving, Edna bought a new recliner, and every Saturday they now go bowling together — mostly to keep an eye on each other.
An 85-year-old couple, married for almost 60 years
An 85-year-old couple, married for almost 60 years, tragically passed away in a car a.c.cident and arrived at the Pearly Gates. Thanks to the wife’s obsession with healthy diets and e
What happened next changed everything…
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